Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Gained your first dog helper.

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Survived Monday.

Survived Tuesday.

Survived Wednesday.

Survived Thursday.

Survived Friday.

Survived Saturday.

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

Roasted 30 people with fire.

Totaled 30 cars.

Kicked 30 dogs.

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

Killed over 1,000 people.

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Read the newspaper every day.

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

Kicked open a door.

Put out someone that's on fire.

Sucked down your own piss.

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Wore all three outfits.

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Finished all seven days.

Reunited with an old friend.

Reunited with an old enemy.

Reunited with an old flame.

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Rescued your loyal companion.

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

Kicked 10 people in the balls.